Last week I put my change in the Sainsbury's collecting bin every time I
shopped. Today I found I still had a tenner in my purse so thought I'd
donate that too. No more collections in Sainsbury's, so as I was going to the
bank it could get paid in there. I finished my routine banking and then
asked to donate, like they said on the telly. The teller said they had no
Comic Relief slips, and hadn't actually had any at all this year.
On to Oxfam. They still have a window full of noserabilia so it's a good
bet, like they said on the telly.
I approached elderly till lady and asked to make a donation to Comic Relief.
'Oh no dear, we only support Red Nose Day.'
'It's the same thing, Red Nose Day is a Comic Relief fundraising event,'
'It's finished now' she told me.
'I'm sure that they will accept donations now, and you still have their
merchandising on sale.'
'We don't have a donations form for Red Nose day, so you can't give to just
that charity, it will be for Oxfam or DEC. Or you can buy something, but
it's out of date now anyway,' was the reply.
A browsing customer with a huge and silly grin on his face came over to help
me out. His suggestion was a good one, buy a Red Nose and just forget to
take it home. The manageress also turned up at this point and agreed that
was the best plan.
Right, I decided I would buy a nose, and the manageress said I could pay
whatever I liked for it, that'll be a tenner then.
The till lady asked me to choose which nose I'd like and scanned it.
'That's a pound' says she.
I gave her the £10 and said I wanted no change. She asked if the £9 was a
donation to Oxfam. I said 'no, it's for Comic Relief'. She looked confused,
the browsing man's grin got larger and the manageress started to look
harassed and I heard a titter from behind the shelves.
The till lady then told us that if I paid £10 for 1 nose the till would be
wrong at the end of the day, so the manageress suggested I buy 10 noses and
not take them home. Good idea, that's what I'll do. Till lady explained to
manageress that that wasn't a good solution as I didn't want 1 nose let
alone 10, and by time the next Red Nose day came around there would be
different noses anyway so it would have been a waste of money.
Manageress and I assured till lady that it would be fine, just scan the nose
another 9 times. Till lady asked me if I'd like to choose a selection rather
than just have the one design. I am losing the will to be charitable by now,
but for pragmatism's sake agreed and gave her 1 of each to scan. Phew.
At that point the manageress decided that the poor till lady's dignity might
just have to be sacrificed and gently moved her away from the till. Mistake!
As she moved aside the wrong button was activated and my bill went from £10
to £1,000. Till lady nearly had the vapours, browsing man was now promoted
to laughing man. He asked where I was going to keep 1000 red noses.
I asked the manageress if Oxfam deliver. Till lady looked at me as if I'd
asked a very silly question. Manageress just smiled serenely and said 'only
in exceptional circumstances'.
It was agreed that since they could not deliver and I couldn't carry 1000
noses home she'd cancel the transaction and we'd just go with the original
I finally got to hand over my £10. I got my receipt, and as I left the shop
I heard a little, elderly voice say' she's forgotten to take her noses' and
some stifled guffawing from laughing man and customer behind shelf.
Sometimes the urge to punch old ladies is very strong. But hey, I did
something funny for money and made at least 3 people laugh. If you didn't
donate yet, do it for me. PLEASE.